At a certain point in your life, you will find the person with whom you wish to share your life. You get married, you raise a family, you become grandparents and you grow old together. By this point, you have spent virtually every day in eachother's company. There are good days, there are bad days but you wind down the unpredictable road of life together and develop a closeness that can only be experienced by achieving this type of union; a marriage.
Imagine the profound loneliness you would feel when this person with whom you have chosen to spend your life with is faced with illness and death, inevitably leaving the other behind to cope with their loss. Happens everyday, right? There is grief, but eventually they will move on, seemingly making the most of the years they have left on this earth shepharded by those who will embrace them, care for them and help them through. Still, regardless of the love and support you receive, you are left without the person with whom you have spent every day with for the last 40 or 50 years. I can't help but wonder what the effect that this profound loneliness would have on your own well-being. I had to check, here's what I found:
A team led by Steve Cole, a genomics researcher at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), checked a pool of 153 people in their 50s and 60s, while searching for an answer. They found that chronic loneliness triggers a change in gene activity. The initial results published last year showed that people who scored in the top 15 percent of the U.C.L.A. Loneliness Scale, a self-administered psychiatric questionnaire for measuring the emotion, exhibited increased gene activity linked to inflammation and reduced gene activity associated with antibody production and antiviral responses. These patterns of gene expression were specific to loneliness, not to other negative feelings such as depression.
While I didn't find much hard evidence, there was some anecdotal evidence that suggested that loneliness can be very medically significant and even life threatening. There are many accounts of apparently healthy people dying suddenly, days, weeks, or even months after the death of loved ones. For example, a healthy man may die of a heart attack three months after the death of his wife, or a healthy woman may die a day after hearing that her twin sister has died. Reports like this have been collected and documented, but no one has done formal research on them. Consequently, there is some debate over whether loneliness/grief is a contributing factor in these deaths or whether it is just a coincidence. On the other hand, there is research showing that blood pressure shoots up dramatically for a few minutes when someone talks about feeling lonely. There is also evidence that pre-existing medical conditions (such as heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, etc.) get significantly worse when a person feels lonely. In the case of heart disease, the statistical impact of loneliness on the disease appears to be equal to the impact of smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.....really?
I got to thinking about Christopher Reeve, the actor. After spending almost 9 years caring for her husband and coping with his paralysis and later his death in 2004, Dana Reeve was diagnosed with lung cancer and died in March 2006; a short two years after the death of her husband and only a year after being diagnosed in 2005. She was never a smoker. How on earth do you go from being a young, vibrant and obviously very strong woman to being diagnosed with lung cancer?
When we're searching for answers to the inexplicable, it sometimes helps to find comfort in what might seem like the absurd. Today, this is what I need.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
3 PUMPS, WHIP, NO DRIZZLE
Growing up, I worked in a restaurant, T&G Tasty Lunch, which was a tiny little greasy spoon in a mall in Canada. My friend Kim and I used to get a kick out of the "regulars" that frequented and while, on some level, we enjoyed the routine of their visits, we were a bit saddened that they came here almost every day the summers that we worked there. I remember thinking how odd it was that someone could eat the same meal at the same place, day after day. There was an older gentleman that came in that I always remembered because he had some sort of a defect with one of his eyes and because he always ordered what I thought was the most unsavory of dinners - liver and onions.
Well, I've decided today that I have become that old man. Each morning, I dutifully drive over to my local Starbucks, pull up to the window and place our order. For me: a grande, non-fat latte and for Spence: one grande hot chocolate, 3 pumps of chocolate, whip and no drizzle. I wonder if the young barrista has the same thoughts of me that I had of liver and onions guy. She knows me now, I am that "regular" customer, the one with the unusual order who has to be here every day. Is she wondering what brings me to her window, day after day, never going out on the ledge by asking for regular milk for my latte or requesting that the drizzle top the whip? How odd it must seem.
Here's the thing. While satisfying my caffeine fix it has also become my start to a great day and my good deed for my man who always smiles when I place it on his office desk. When I miss a day, things just don't feel right. Maybe liver and onions guy felt the same....
15 Minutes of Fame
Number 1 & Number 2 recently experienced their 15 minutes of fame in the form of special recognition in McKinney Kids Magazine and North Texas Kids Magazine.
Number 1 is featured as the Awesome Achiever and her photo is on the cover of the Feb/March issue of McKinney Kids Magazine
We're so proud of them both!!!!!
Friday, March 20, 2009
CONNECTIONS
con-nec-tion (kuh-nek-shuhn) - anything that connects; connecting part; link; bond
This is the word I think of when I think of my very best friends, otherwise known as my CPF's (close personal friends). They are home, the comfy pair of slippers. They are the place where I connect, the people to whom I am linked and the ones to whom I have formed a lifelong bond. They are a group of women I have had the pleasure of knowing since high school.
I'm driving home from Florida after spending a week in their company. True to my word, I'm blogging about the trip, or rather, about them and the trip. They'll mock me for being sappy, but that's o.k., expected actually. I'll share moments from the trip about each of them that makes them unique but I won't use their names. They'll know who they are and each will know who the other is, that's what's so cool about us.
Constance is decisive and optimistic for it was she who texted me during my long drive from Texas to Florida and in the midst of some heavy duty complaining, delivered a much-needed attitude adjustment. The message, simply: take stock in the little things and relish the time with your man. Heeding her advice, I must admit that the time flew by. I'm appreciative of Constance because I didn't have to open a single map to a park and was presented with options everyday. Since I (like most moms) am always the chief on trips with my family, what a treat to be an Indian this time!
Anastasia is thoughtful and productive, the glue. Who else can take an idea and turn it into fun for 21 without even breaking a sweat? No problem, if there's sweat, she'll take your kid for ice-cream to cool off (she may even have a scoop or two herself!). You are proof positive that women can have it all without losing anything along the way. I want to be you when I grow up!!
Lucy - when I'm old and grey and my mind is feeble, Lucy will be there to deliver the perfect dose of laughter in the form of a hilarious memory from the past. There were so many stories that Lucy shared with me on this trip that I had completely forgotten about-what a gift man! In the face of adversity, she can still laugh and make others laugh...awesome. Thanks for the "Magic"al day with Jess - I hear your driving skills haven't changed much over the years. Oh, and don't forget to call your hairdresser and make some appointments for the CPF's...some serious bangs issues going on that need to be dealt with ....
Juliette is intelligent and strong. I admire her for these things. She is always ready to start an interesting conversation or debate and I enjoy talking to her, no matter what the topic. She's very well-read (and not in a People magazine kind of way) and lucky the parent who has a kid being educated by her right now. For the record Juliette, I whole-heartedly agree. Obama should not be appearing on Jay Leno when the country is in such a shambles and overweight people in wheelchairs should not be wheeled into public pools (pass the barf bag please!).
Individually, we are flawed, but collectively, our strengths make up this perfect circle and I believe that is what has kept us connected after all these years. Together we are decisive, optimistic, thoughtful, productive, humorous, intelligent and strong and where one of us falls short in one area, there is another there as a reminder of how to become a better person. What more can a girl ask for?
I had a great week and wish it could have lasted a little bit longer - love you all!!!
This is the word I think of when I think of my very best friends, otherwise known as my CPF's (close personal friends). They are home, the comfy pair of slippers. They are the place where I connect, the people to whom I am linked and the ones to whom I have formed a lifelong bond. They are a group of women I have had the pleasure of knowing since high school.
I'm driving home from Florida after spending a week in their company. True to my word, I'm blogging about the trip, or rather, about them and the trip. They'll mock me for being sappy, but that's o.k., expected actually. I'll share moments from the trip about each of them that makes them unique but I won't use their names. They'll know who they are and each will know who the other is, that's what's so cool about us.
Constance is decisive and optimistic for it was she who texted me during my long drive from Texas to Florida and in the midst of some heavy duty complaining, delivered a much-needed attitude adjustment. The message, simply: take stock in the little things and relish the time with your man. Heeding her advice, I must admit that the time flew by. I'm appreciative of Constance because I didn't have to open a single map to a park and was presented with options everyday. Since I (like most moms) am always the chief on trips with my family, what a treat to be an Indian this time!
Anastasia is thoughtful and productive, the glue. Who else can take an idea and turn it into fun for 21 without even breaking a sweat? No problem, if there's sweat, she'll take your kid for ice-cream to cool off (she may even have a scoop or two herself!). You are proof positive that women can have it all without losing anything along the way. I want to be you when I grow up!!
Lucy - when I'm old and grey and my mind is feeble, Lucy will be there to deliver the perfect dose of laughter in the form of a hilarious memory from the past. There were so many stories that Lucy shared with me on this trip that I had completely forgotten about-what a gift man! In the face of adversity, she can still laugh and make others laugh...awesome. Thanks for the "Magic"al day with Jess - I hear your driving skills haven't changed much over the years. Oh, and don't forget to call your hairdresser and make some appointments for the CPF's...some serious bangs issues going on that need to be dealt with ....
Juliette is intelligent and strong. I admire her for these things. She is always ready to start an interesting conversation or debate and I enjoy talking to her, no matter what the topic. She's very well-read (and not in a People magazine kind of way) and lucky the parent who has a kid being educated by her right now. For the record Juliette, I whole-heartedly agree. Obama should not be appearing on Jay Leno when the country is in such a shambles and overweight people in wheelchairs should not be wheeled into public pools (pass the barf bag please!).
Individually, we are flawed, but collectively, our strengths make up this perfect circle and I believe that is what has kept us connected after all these years. Together we are decisive, optimistic, thoughtful, productive, humorous, intelligent and strong and where one of us falls short in one area, there is another there as a reminder of how to become a better person. What more can a girl ask for?
I had a great week and wish it could have lasted a little bit longer - love you all!!!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
BASKETBALL AND 5 YEAR-OLD BOYS
This picture sums up the trials and tribulations of coaching a group of 5-year old boys. It was an attempt to get everyone to sit still for a quick team photo....gotta love it!
Number 3 is in the back row, 3rd over to the right. He had just come off of a personal best, high-scoring game....12 points!!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
AN INTERVIEW WITH 1, 2 AND 3
I tried to get Number 1 to participate, but at age 10, I guess she's too cool. Here is a little interview with Number 2 and Number 3:
Number 3 (Age 5):
Why do you think that we gave you your name? Because you liked it.
How many brothers and sisters would you like to have? One, just Number 1.
What is your favorite color? green
What is God like? love
If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? Camping in Oklahoma with daddy and my friends.
What do you want to be when you get bigger? Policeman, so I can take everybody's licence.
What's your favorite thing to do in your free time? You know, play Club Penguin.
What is one thing that Mommy has taught you? Words
What is one thing that Daddy has taught you? Nothing (hmm..)
Who is one person you really admire? Number 1
What is one thing that you wish you could do that only adults do? Turn invisible (?)
What is your favorite book? Space Adventures Mars Alien Attack
What is something you could do to make the world more beautiful? Add toys.
If you could speak another language, what would you like to speak? Spanish
What is something you want to do when you are 6? Read a book
What is something that you wish you wouldn't have done? Eat broccoli
What is something you are glad that you have done? Have sleepovers
What do you think about Number 1? Helps me on Club Penguin
What do you think about Number 2? Reads to me
What is something that would make you cry? Eating chicken
What is something that would make you laugh really hard? A girl's butt (oh, my!)
Number 2 (Age 8):
Why do you think that we gave you your name? Because when I was born I naturally got given my name.
How many brothers and sisters would you like to have? One
What is your favorite color? pink
What is God like? Very nice and didn't like violence.
If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? Hawaii
What do you want to be when you get bigger? A famous gymnast or violinist
What's your favorite thing to do in your free time? Gymnastics or violin
What is one thing that Mommy has taught you? To be kind to people and say how you feel.
What is one thing that Daddy has taught you? How to wrestle, but not hurt the person you're wrestling.
Who is one person you really admire? Joe Jonas
What is one thing that you wish you could do that only adults do? Stay up as long as they want.
What is your favorite book? Allie Finkles Rules for Girls
What is something you could do to make the world more beautiful? Recylce and plant trees and flowers.
If you could speak another language, what would you like to speak? Italian
What is something you want to do when you are 9? Get on the team at TumbleBugs.
What is something that you wish you wouldn't have done? Fight with my sister and brother
What is something you are glad that you have done? Get on level 3 in gymnastics
What do you think about Number 1? Funny, smart and somtimes mean.
What do you think about Number 3? Weird, sometimes gets on my nerves and funny.
What is something that would make you cry? People who I don't know who hurt my feelings.
What is something that would make you laugh really hard? Seeing a teacher dance around like a monkey.
Number 3 (Age 5):
Why do you think that we gave you your name? Because you liked it.
How many brothers and sisters would you like to have? One, just Number 1.
What is your favorite color? green
What is God like? love
If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? Camping in Oklahoma with daddy and my friends.
What do you want to be when you get bigger? Policeman, so I can take everybody's licence.
What's your favorite thing to do in your free time? You know, play Club Penguin.
What is one thing that Mommy has taught you? Words
What is one thing that Daddy has taught you? Nothing (hmm..)
Who is one person you really admire? Number 1
What is one thing that you wish you could do that only adults do? Turn invisible (?)
What is your favorite book? Space Adventures Mars Alien Attack
What is something you could do to make the world more beautiful? Add toys.
If you could speak another language, what would you like to speak? Spanish
What is something you want to do when you are 6? Read a book
What is something that you wish you wouldn't have done? Eat broccoli
What is something you are glad that you have done? Have sleepovers
What do you think about Number 1? Helps me on Club Penguin
What do you think about Number 2? Reads to me
What is something that would make you cry? Eating chicken
What is something that would make you laugh really hard? A girl's butt (oh, my!)
Number 2 (Age 8):
Why do you think that we gave you your name? Because when I was born I naturally got given my name.
How many brothers and sisters would you like to have? One
What is your favorite color? pink
What is God like? Very nice and didn't like violence.
If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? Hawaii
What do you want to be when you get bigger? A famous gymnast or violinist
What's your favorite thing to do in your free time? Gymnastics or violin
What is one thing that Mommy has taught you? To be kind to people and say how you feel.
What is one thing that Daddy has taught you? How to wrestle, but not hurt the person you're wrestling.
Who is one person you really admire? Joe Jonas
What is one thing that you wish you could do that only adults do? Stay up as long as they want.
What is your favorite book? Allie Finkles Rules for Girls
What is something you could do to make the world more beautiful? Recylce and plant trees and flowers.
If you could speak another language, what would you like to speak? Italian
What is something you want to do when you are 9? Get on the team at TumbleBugs.
What is something that you wish you wouldn't have done? Fight with my sister and brother
What is something you are glad that you have done? Get on level 3 in gymnastics
What do you think about Number 1? Funny, smart and somtimes mean.
What do you think about Number 3? Weird, sometimes gets on my nerves and funny.
What is something that would make you cry? People who I don't know who hurt my feelings.
What is something that would make you laugh really hard? Seeing a teacher dance around like a monkey.
Monday, February 9, 2009
SMART CHOICES OR JUST DUMB LUCK?
Today I received a reminder of just how fortunate our family has been during such challenging economic times. It came in the form of some friends who were seriously questioning the affordability of one of their kid's activities since dad lost his job; an activity that was going to cost $150.
Some may argue that making smart choices in life get you where you are and not luck. Under normal circumstances, I would have to agree but lately, I have seen too many very smart people who have made very smart choices, lose their jobs - just like that. That being said, a tip of the hat to lady luck because having lumped ourselves in the "smart choices" category for many years, I'm not sure it's enough these days and am going on record (after all, I am a blogger now) as being very thankful that we are both gainfully employed. I hope that all of you out there who are just as smart (and lucky) are thankful too!!
Let's hope that Obama's economic stimulus plan is a step in the right direction in getting our country back on it's feet.
Some may argue that making smart choices in life get you where you are and not luck. Under normal circumstances, I would have to agree but lately, I have seen too many very smart people who have made very smart choices, lose their jobs - just like that. That being said, a tip of the hat to lady luck because having lumped ourselves in the "smart choices" category for many years, I'm not sure it's enough these days and am going on record (after all, I am a blogger now) as being very thankful that we are both gainfully employed. I hope that all of you out there who are just as smart (and lucky) are thankful too!!
Let's hope that Obama's economic stimulus plan is a step in the right direction in getting our country back on it's feet.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
WHAT NOT TO EXPECT
Today, Number 2 asked "mommy what does gay mean"? Feeling confident, I gave her what I believed to be an age-appropriate response for an eight year old and proudly responded "it means you're happy". She looked at me convinced, so I exhaled and patted myself on the back for my quick-witted response. At that moment, she turned to me and proclaimed "I'm so gay today mommy". Great....
Friday, February 6, 2009
TESTING THE WATERS
Well, I've taken the plunge and joined the masses out here in the blogosphere. I'm not really sure why - I just thought it might be a fun and hip thing to do!
My neighbor has two beautiful teenage girls and she cracks me up because each time she speaks of them, she fondly refers to them as Number 1 (her oldest) and Number 2 (her youngest). For the purposes of keeping my family safe out here in cyberspace, I am going to steal her witty reference to her children when naming my kids - with the addition of Number 3.
About the picture in the header. Yes, it's outdated (2005); yes that's an orange in Number 3's hand and so what if his tongue is sticking out! I guess it's time for another family photo shoot soon. I'm off to a great start.....
My neighbor has two beautiful teenage girls and she cracks me up because each time she speaks of them, she fondly refers to them as Number 1 (her oldest) and Number 2 (her youngest). For the purposes of keeping my family safe out here in cyberspace, I am going to steal her witty reference to her children when naming my kids - with the addition of Number 3.
About the picture in the header. Yes, it's outdated (2005); yes that's an orange in Number 3's hand and so what if his tongue is sticking out! I guess it's time for another family photo shoot soon. I'm off to a great start.....
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